Crazy Day = Beginning of a Crazy Life

Today was the start of a life of craziness. I started my warehouse job, and then had 3 hours of training for the school job starting Monday. I got a stack full of papers and a binder of training materials to go over by Monday so I am aware of all the rules and procedures when going into the school to work with the kids. I have TWO days. I repeat T-W-O days to read of 200 pages worth of materials. This is not going all the certificates, training, cards and other class type things I am required to get prior to being officially licensed to do the job. All "preferrably" to be completed by next weekend. All this is to be done sometime throughout the day, while I am working 2 jobs, 50 hours, 6:30am to 6:30pm. Yea...I am NOT stressed out, at all. I just feel like pulling out my hair and running away as far as possible so as not to have to do deal with all this stress. But at the exact same time I am so excited. The warehouse job is physically hard, but mentally refreshing, while I perform the job required of me at that place my mind relaxes and goes off wherever it pleases without having much worry. The kids job I haven't tried yet but I feel it will be fun in its own way. I am sure there will be bad days, with cranky kids or those who won't behave, but overall, if there is any job I would have to wake up at 5:30 for, and stay until 6:30 for, it would be a job that involves hanging out with cutie patooties (AKA kids that make me smile). Saturday and Sunday are relaxing/studying up days, and come Monday, Let the Games Begin!


In other news, I weighed myself and was at 121.4. That is 0.2 pounds down from last week. I am not sure that I can actually call that an accomplishment, but at least it hasn't gone up since last week. I am finally sitting, and relaxing, watching shows. Tsk Tsk. I should be at the gym, or at least moving my lazy butt, but my excuse is that the warehouse job keeps me moving for hours at a time so at home I am allowed the break :) I am proud to say I did do my abs and pushups for the day. All that's left to do is the squats, which I am saving for tonight after church. Maybe will throw in a few minutes of yoga as well, but no promises as I am not sure if I will have the time or the energy.

I am looking forward to finally making some good money, but the schedule that will be my life for the next few months already has me worn out and it hasn't even started yet. 10 hour work days, plus possible weekends at the warehouse is not the ideal way to make money, I'd much rather be making double the amount sitting in a comfortable office chair answering phones and sending emails, but since at the moment I am not sure what my career future holds, I need to stick to whatever will make me money at the moment.


Hope you are all having a happy Friday. Have no fear, the weekend is here and will stay for TWO WHOLE DAYS! Enjoy it while it lasts, Monday will be here before you know it. And if any of you guys have career tips or ideas on how to decide what the heck to do with myself and my AAS degree in an area I no longer want to work in, please let me know. I need all the help and advice I can get right now.


Happy Weekend. Enjoy the drinks and peanuts, and make sure to sober up before Monday comes along. And please, please, PLEASE do NOT drink and drive. Call a friend, call a cab, but never get behind the wheel after having too much to drink. Stay safe, and keep others safe. xoxo


~Nalie

GROUPONS

I don't have much time to blog today, but I would like to note that Groupon is one of them ost amazing apps out there. I just purchased a groupon for 52 issues of OK magazine, for 24.99. Plus after registering that magazine, I also got 4 more magazines for $2 for 1 year each. AMAZING. So if there's any one out there who has not tried the app out, please do so, you won't regret it.

I went to work with my mother today to help out, then we had lunch and now I am on my way to pick up my grown babies for a last date. I officially got the job working with kids, and was told I will be put on the schedule for Monday, and I also got a call from one of my previous jobs saying they will need some help over the holidays, so money wise I am good to go through the new year! It's such a relief not having to worry about where money will be coming from, although my schedule will be WACK, going to work at 6:30am and finishing at 6:30pm, it will be worth it in the end, hopefully. Today is my last date with my big babies, we are going to go to the library and out for smoothies and spend some quality time together. Once my work starts, I will have no social life whatsoever during the weekdays, but hopefully that is just for the time being.

I didn't weigh myself, and I haven't had much chance to workout, I will try my best to do so in the evening. At least squats, pushups and crunches, if I just do each of those on my app I will be a happy camper. No more time for blogging, off to pick up the kiddos. Hope you all are having a wonderful day. It was thunder and lightening here this morning, I'm loving the random and drastic weather change! :)


~Nalie

Stressed to The MAX

I am unemployed again...for the next three days. I quit my job at the law office I was at, I was UNABLE to deal with one of the attorney's working there, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. He was a jerk, plain and simple. He disrespected me, talked down to me, and barked at me like at a dog. Now I'm not saying employers need to be all mushy gushy praising your every move and accomplishment, but a little bit of respect is always nice in the place you are at 8 hours a day every day. So I put in my two weeks, well 1 1/2 actually, and I left. Two days later I applied for 10+ jobs, and now I have one pending job working at an elementary school that will start this coming Monday, and another interview tomorrow for a position at an insurance company. I am both excited, happy that I am getting responses to my emails, and stressed out at the same time.

I also registered on a website called textbroker.com, which to this day seems pretty legit. I was planning on making extra petty cash from that in my free time. But once I had sent in my writing sample and a copy of my photo ID, I was asked to fill out a W-9 form. All this via internet, mind you. Now although the organization seems legit, and I was looking forward to working for them, at HOME, in my PJS...I do not trust the internet. And I chose not to proceed with the registration because I was worried about mailing the W-9 form with my SSN# to the address provided. So now I am waiting to start my kiddy job. I am so excited to get to work with children. It's a split shift, so I will only get 5 or so hours per day, but I am hoping to find a part time gig to do in between the shifts, if all goes well.

As for my diet and fitness...last time I posted a blog on here, I was 119.8. Today I weighed in at 121.2. This is a little less than 2 pounds of an increase in the span of three months. Not too shabby. But for some reason I have been feeling like a FAT ASS. Not even kidding. Maybe it's because when I was working at the law office, by the time I got home at 5:30-6:00, I wasn't in the mood to do my usual sweat session at home. Or maybe it's due to the fact that I have started buying old fashioned doghnuts at Starbucks every other day. Or maybe a combination of both. All I know is I've only gained to pounds in the past three months, and that means I am NOT too far gone to save. I will save myself, I will save my abs and my awesome arms that look SO FREAKING TONED! I will start working out every day again. Even if that means a 5 minutes ab workout. Or 40 pushups. Even the little things will add up. And it's better then doing nothing. Also I will start THINKING before I consume JUNK food. It never makes me feel better. It doesn't lessen the stress, or make me feel happier after a crap day. It just makes my butt expand and my belly grow. Onward and Outward. This will not be a diet. It will be a lifestyle. And by December 31/January 1, I vow to way 115, if not less. Hopefully this site will hold me accountable.


Ciao for now. I shall try blogging everyday from now on.

~Nalie

Drastic Changes!? :)

Today has been one of those days when you begin to wonder if anything will ever work out. Still unemployed, still stuck in a horrible relationship, and still trying to figure out what the heck to do in this crazy thing some people call life. I begin to wonder can "A painted hindsight gloves a chocolate past the hungry plastic"? I don't know. I am not even sure what that means but I have been asked to include that sentence in my post so I have proceeded to do so.

On the bright side, and on a totally unrelated note, I almost have a six pack! For the last year and a half I have been working my butt off (LITERALLY!!!) To make sure I work out everyday (almost) and eat as healthy as possible. It doesn't always happen, some days, even some weeks, I screw up bigtime, pig out, chow down and skip out on exercises, but I always come back to it. Exercise has become my release, my therapy, my meditation. Its what I do when things are going good, when going good, its the one constant in my crazy life right now and I have grown to love and look forward to it. Sometimes its really hard to start on a workout, but once I'm done with it, or even halfway through, the feeling is amazing> I may be in pain, I may out of breathe and close to dying, but it feels GOOD. I feel ALIVE. and SO HAPPY. Thats what exercise does for me. Eating healthy has become my bonus, like the extra credit I used to do in high school to get a better grade. I do my best to eat healthy not for a better grade, but for better abs, for better health, for a better fitter me. Just working out wouldn't have gotten me anywhere. Where before I might have gone several days without drinking water or eating fruits or vegetables, now its become a part of my routine, a part of my life like brushing my teeth and filling my car with gas. Its not an option. Its somthing I MUST DO.

Now thats not to say I don't mess up. I do. Very often too. But I have learned that although my belly is getting smaller and by hands are gettting muscular, I need to bounce back as though all of my fat were still there to get me bouncing off the ground. Just because I screw up, pig out, and leave all of my good habits for a day, or a week or even a  month. I did it before and I won't lose that. I know I can do it and I believe that I can now that I have suceeded at it once.

But I do my best not to let myself go. Back to being a fatty. With a low self esteem. With no confidence and never feeling beautiful. I never want to feel that way again. That's why I try not to screw up. Going back to the way I was is NOT an option. And even though I have days when I mess up, or really really think about eating that donut, I know that I shouldn't, but even if I do, I can just start again tomorrow.

Some people ask me why. Why take all this time and effort and energy to work out. Why waste money on healthier foods and spend time planning meals ahead of time? Why not eat what you want, eat everything and anything just to stay happy? Because I tried that. For so long I though I was happy, I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and didn't think about the consquences, until the moment I realized that I wasn't happy. Not being able to look at myself in the mirror without recoiling at the double chin and full face, that didn't make me happy. Looking in the mirror and feeling beautiful, feeling pretty and comfortable in my own skin. That makes me happy.

I'm still far from perfect. And I doubt I will ever get to a point where I will feel my work is done. There is always some jiggle there, extra fat here. And my six pack abs are a longs way away. But I'm going to keep working on it, keep trying and I know at the end it will be worth it. Its not something I can do just for a few weeks or a few months, this has to be a lifelong change, and today I decided I am going to get more serious about it.

From now on, this blog will be dedicated solely to health and fitness. My progress, my downfalls, even if no one else reads it, it will be helpful for me to look back at it, at the ups and downs when I need some encouragement throughout the process.

I will eat healthy, I will workout everyday. Starting today, I will report on here too, to keep myself accountable, on track, and on my way to six pack abs, killer arms, and legs that I won't be ashamed to put shorts on come summertime.

No more boy talk, no more family talk. Right now it's time to focus on health and fitness, and making ourselves happy, making ourselves feel good through good things such as healthy food and tough workouts. Not cigarettes - crunches. Not beer or vodka - squats. Not crying after the man who keeps hurting you over and over again - Turning on the music and running as far as we can get. Who's with me? Let's start now. I'll post my progress here everday, and anyone interested in doing so, post yours. I would love to have some companions on this journey to getting healthy for life! :)

Talk More Tomorrow-

-Nalie

Let Go

I realized today that there is no point. No point tryign to change things. No point trying to fix things. The more you try to fix something thats broken, the more you try to put it back together, the more you get hurt. Sometimes there is nothing left to do. There is nothing left to say. There is no one left to miss. No more tears left to cry, or screams left to scream. You just stop caring, stop waiting, stop missing that one person you couldn't live without. You stop remembering the good times, because they are overpowered by the bad ones that set in. You realize that you are done, they are gone, and you don't want them back. Now, it's time to Let Go. Say good bye or dont, the choice is yours, but it's time to leave. Staying won't fix things, it won't change things, staying will only hurt. The longer you stay, the more scars you will get. It's not the same anymore, things changed, people changed. It's time to leave. Say. Goodbye. And Don't look back. Don't regret it. Don't miss him, don't cry for him, don't look at old photos and reminisce about the past. Just forget. Just erase everything that reminds you of him. Delete pctures. Throw away keepsakes. Let It Go. It's done.

Room to Breathe

I hate those days when there is absolutely no time alone, away from people away from craziness. Those days suck. Not sure if it's just me, but when I spend all week at work with people, some crazy, some kind, some just plain scary, when the weekend comes I can't wait to spend a day just on my own, doing what I feel like doing with no phone calls, no emails that need replies, nothing to worry about, just one day. For me. Is that too much to ask? With my family, yes it is. There is always someone who feels like talking on the phone for 40 minutes, or another person who just cant decide on an outfit for date night and feels the need to pop in and show me every single option they are mulling over. There is no peace. There is no quiet. There is no me time. I've noticed that when this happens, when I am just trying to take some time for ME. On my own, without having to worry about other people; family members, friends, and their problems, I get irritated when the people closest to me can't give me just that. That one thing, a day off from them. Now I wouldn't say I'm antisocial...but I have to admit, too much time with the same people and eventually I just need a break, some room to breathe, a day off from being around them and having to listen to their stories and activities. Sometimes I don't want to talk, or hang out or listen to what they have to say. Sometimes I don't want to hang around them all day just because it's what they want. Sometimes I just want to do what I want. Take just one day, to do me. I still dream about that day. Saturday morning you wake up, no rush, sleep in don't sleep in but it will be up to me. Then go for a drive. A long one. Doesn't matter where, as long I'm driving and I'm alone. This may sound weird, but that is what I dream about. Having a day...goodness even a few hours of just ALONE time. No family, no friends around, just me. The problem is always worrying about hurting and disappointing other people. If I don't answer my phone, my sister might get mad at me. If I don't go to that friends party, she might be hurt, thinking she doesn't matter to me. It's always the worrying about other peoples feelings that sets us back. We do what we do to make others happy. We do what we do not to please ourselves, but to ensure that those around us are satisfied, with all their needs met. Some people will call that selfless, because we put others needs before our own. But if you look at it the other way, we are still being selfish. In being selfless and doing everything for others, we are being "selfish" towards ourselves. We are not giving ourselves what we need or desire because of our worry of how it will affect those around us. Our lives are our own, and speaking for myself, I feel like a lot of the time I'm not living it for me, I'm living it to please those around me. At the end of the day, I think we all need to learn to do what is best for us, no matter what that is and how it affects those around us. Yes we love them, yes they are important to us. But in the end, if we spend our whole life pleasing others, we may never find true happiness. We may never be fully satisfied with how our life turned out, we will always be held back. I will try, to tell people when I need space, whether it upsets them or not. Because love them or not, sometimes I really do need some time away from the people in my life, even if for a day. Time to find myself, to reflect, and room to breathe away from it all.

-N

Craziness of Life

I just recently remembered about this blog I had started up a year or so enough, and amazingly enough when I came to the blogger website, I still remembered my password. Accomplishment of the day I'd say. Life has been crazy, to say the least. With work, college and all the other little ups and downs of life, I rarely have anytime to just sit back and reflect on what's going on and where I'm heading. Associates Degree, CHECK. Moving on...to what? Still not sure. do I pursue what I want most in life, even if i'm not sure I can afford it? Or do I stay stuck and just continue with the same routine, same thing, day in and day out. The idea of living for the next 30 years or so, getting up every morning to go to the same job, in the same place, in the same city that I have lived in since i was 3, makes me feel a little boxed in. I would love to just quit my job, pack up my belongings, and get on the road. Who cares where I go, as long as I'm going somewhere, anywhere where I can experience something new, something out of the ordinary. But as adults, we have to learn to push aside that desire to drop everything and go, jus tto leave, just to be with ourselves, on our own, away from the craziness of our daily lives. I wish it was easier. I wish that when things get to be too much and we just need to get away, that we could do that. Just take our things, and leave. Not forever, but for a day, maybe a week, maybe a year. I wish it were up to us, and not our careers or our families. Maybe someday I will be able to venture out of the rut, and travel, get out of the city I've been in almost all my life, and see the world. Maybe it soundsl like a cliche, but the truth is, I have been nowhere, I have done nothing, nothing that counts anyways, and that is sad.

For today, the best thing I can do is wake up, get to work, and get ready to take on the day with a smile. That's all anyone can do. No matter whats going on in our lives, no matter the craziness and business of it, living it with a smile helps us, as well as those around us. And not matter what comes our way, one thing I think everyone needs to remember is that no matter what is going on in life, my life or yours, eventually things will change. Nothing will stay the same. When things are going good, they eventually go bad, when things are going bad they eventually get better, its an up and down roller coaster, so one think that we can be confident in, is that we won't be staying down for long. And in the midst of the craziness, in the midst of all the things that we have to do in our daily lives, the responsibilities, the bills, the long hours at work. Lets not forget about ourselves. Take a minutes. Take five. Take an hour. But make some time for YOU. Take a nap, go for a run, listen to some music, reminisce about your childhood, whatever you choose to do in that time, do it for you and no one else... After all, you are stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, no getting rid of you, so keep yourself happy, no matter what it takes.  DON'T FORGET TO SMILE!

-N