On the bright side, and on a totally unrelated note, I almost have a six pack! For the last year and a half I have been working my butt off (LITERALLY!!!) To make sure I work out everyday (almost) and eat as healthy as possible. It doesn't always happen, some days, even some weeks, I screw up bigtime, pig out, chow down and skip out on exercises, but I always come back to it. Exercise has become my release, my therapy, my meditation. Its what I do when things are going good, when going good, its the one constant in my crazy life right now and I have grown to love and look forward to it. Sometimes its really hard to start on a workout, but once I'm done with it, or even halfway through, the feeling is amazing> I may be in pain, I may out of breathe and close to dying, but it feels GOOD. I feel ALIVE. and SO HAPPY. Thats what exercise does for me. Eating healthy has become my bonus, like the extra credit I used to do in high school to get a better grade. I do my best to eat healthy not for a better grade, but for better abs, for better health, for a better fitter me. Just working out wouldn't have gotten me anywhere. Where before I might have gone several days without drinking water or eating fruits or vegetables, now its become a part of my routine, a part of my life like brushing my teeth and filling my car with gas. Its not an option. Its somthing I MUST DO.
Now thats not to say I don't mess up. I do. Very often too. But I have learned that although my belly is getting smaller and by hands are gettting muscular, I need to bounce back as though all of my fat were still there to get me bouncing off the ground. Just because I screw up, pig out, and leave all of my good habits for a day, or a week or even a month. I did it before and I won't lose that. I know I can do it and I believe that I can now that I have suceeded at it once.
But I do my best not to let myself go. Back to being a fatty. With a low self esteem. With no confidence and never feeling beautiful. I never want to feel that way again. That's why I try not to screw up. Going back to the way I was is NOT an option. And even though I have days when I mess up, or really really think about eating that donut, I know that I shouldn't, but even if I do, I can just start again tomorrow.
Some people ask me why. Why take all this time and effort and energy to work out. Why waste money on healthier foods and spend time planning meals ahead of time? Why not eat what you want, eat everything and anything just to stay happy? Because I tried that. For so long I though I was happy, I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and didn't think about the consquences, until the moment I realized that I wasn't happy. Not being able to look at myself in the mirror without recoiling at the double chin and full face, that didn't make me happy. Looking in the mirror and feeling beautiful, feeling pretty and comfortable in my own skin. That makes me happy.
I'm still far from perfect. And I doubt I will ever get to a point where I will feel my work is done. There is always some jiggle there, extra fat here. And my six pack abs are a longs way away. But I'm going to keep working on it, keep trying and I know at the end it will be worth it. Its not something I can do just for a few weeks or a few months, this has to be a lifelong change, and today I decided I am going to get more serious about it.
From now on, this blog will be dedicated solely to health and fitness. My progress, my downfalls, even if no one else reads it, it will be helpful for me to look back at it, at the ups and downs when I need some encouragement throughout the process.
I will eat healthy, I will workout everyday. Starting today, I will report on here too, to keep myself accountable, on track, and on my way to six pack abs, killer arms, and legs that I won't be ashamed to put shorts on come summertime.
No more boy talk, no more family talk. Right now it's time to focus on health and fitness, and making ourselves happy, making ourselves feel good through good things such as healthy food and tough workouts. Not cigarettes - crunches. Not beer or vodka - squats. Not crying after the man who keeps hurting you over and over again - Turning on the music and running as far as we can get. Who's with me? Let's start now. I'll post my progress here everday, and anyone interested in doing so, post yours. I would love to have some companions on this journey to getting healthy for life! :)
Talk More Tomorrow-
-Nalie
No comments:
Post a Comment