Room to Breathe

I hate those days when there is absolutely no time alone, away from people away from craziness. Those days suck. Not sure if it's just me, but when I spend all week at work with people, some crazy, some kind, some just plain scary, when the weekend comes I can't wait to spend a day just on my own, doing what I feel like doing with no phone calls, no emails that need replies, nothing to worry about, just one day. For me. Is that too much to ask? With my family, yes it is. There is always someone who feels like talking on the phone for 40 minutes, or another person who just cant decide on an outfit for date night and feels the need to pop in and show me every single option they are mulling over. There is no peace. There is no quiet. There is no me time. I've noticed that when this happens, when I am just trying to take some time for ME. On my own, without having to worry about other people; family members, friends, and their problems, I get irritated when the people closest to me can't give me just that. That one thing, a day off from them. Now I wouldn't say I'm antisocial...but I have to admit, too much time with the same people and eventually I just need a break, some room to breathe, a day off from being around them and having to listen to their stories and activities. Sometimes I don't want to talk, or hang out or listen to what they have to say. Sometimes I don't want to hang around them all day just because it's what they want. Sometimes I just want to do what I want. Take just one day, to do me. I still dream about that day. Saturday morning you wake up, no rush, sleep in don't sleep in but it will be up to me. Then go for a drive. A long one. Doesn't matter where, as long I'm driving and I'm alone. This may sound weird, but that is what I dream about. Having a day...goodness even a few hours of just ALONE time. No family, no friends around, just me. The problem is always worrying about hurting and disappointing other people. If I don't answer my phone, my sister might get mad at me. If I don't go to that friends party, she might be hurt, thinking she doesn't matter to me. It's always the worrying about other peoples feelings that sets us back. We do what we do to make others happy. We do what we do not to please ourselves, but to ensure that those around us are satisfied, with all their needs met. Some people will call that selfless, because we put others needs before our own. But if you look at it the other way, we are still being selfish. In being selfless and doing everything for others, we are being "selfish" towards ourselves. We are not giving ourselves what we need or desire because of our worry of how it will affect those around us. Our lives are our own, and speaking for myself, I feel like a lot of the time I'm not living it for me, I'm living it to please those around me. At the end of the day, I think we all need to learn to do what is best for us, no matter what that is and how it affects those around us. Yes we love them, yes they are important to us. But in the end, if we spend our whole life pleasing others, we may never find true happiness. We may never be fully satisfied with how our life turned out, we will always be held back. I will try, to tell people when I need space, whether it upsets them or not. Because love them or not, sometimes I really do need some time away from the people in my life, even if for a day. Time to find myself, to reflect, and room to breathe away from it all.

-N

Craziness of Life

I just recently remembered about this blog I had started up a year or so enough, and amazingly enough when I came to the blogger website, I still remembered my password. Accomplishment of the day I'd say. Life has been crazy, to say the least. With work, college and all the other little ups and downs of life, I rarely have anytime to just sit back and reflect on what's going on and where I'm heading. Associates Degree, CHECK. Moving on...to what? Still not sure. do I pursue what I want most in life, even if i'm not sure I can afford it? Or do I stay stuck and just continue with the same routine, same thing, day in and day out. The idea of living for the next 30 years or so, getting up every morning to go to the same job, in the same place, in the same city that I have lived in since i was 3, makes me feel a little boxed in. I would love to just quit my job, pack up my belongings, and get on the road. Who cares where I go, as long as I'm going somewhere, anywhere where I can experience something new, something out of the ordinary. But as adults, we have to learn to push aside that desire to drop everything and go, jus tto leave, just to be with ourselves, on our own, away from the craziness of our daily lives. I wish it was easier. I wish that when things get to be too much and we just need to get away, that we could do that. Just take our things, and leave. Not forever, but for a day, maybe a week, maybe a year. I wish it were up to us, and not our careers or our families. Maybe someday I will be able to venture out of the rut, and travel, get out of the city I've been in almost all my life, and see the world. Maybe it soundsl like a cliche, but the truth is, I have been nowhere, I have done nothing, nothing that counts anyways, and that is sad.

For today, the best thing I can do is wake up, get to work, and get ready to take on the day with a smile. That's all anyone can do. No matter whats going on in our lives, no matter the craziness and business of it, living it with a smile helps us, as well as those around us. And not matter what comes our way, one thing I think everyone needs to remember is that no matter what is going on in life, my life or yours, eventually things will change. Nothing will stay the same. When things are going good, they eventually go bad, when things are going bad they eventually get better, its an up and down roller coaster, so one think that we can be confident in, is that we won't be staying down for long. And in the midst of the craziness, in the midst of all the things that we have to do in our daily lives, the responsibilities, the bills, the long hours at work. Lets not forget about ourselves. Take a minutes. Take five. Take an hour. But make some time for YOU. Take a nap, go for a run, listen to some music, reminisce about your childhood, whatever you choose to do in that time, do it for you and no one else... After all, you are stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, no getting rid of you, so keep yourself happy, no matter what it takes.  DON'T FORGET TO SMILE!

-N